Friday, 16 November 2007

Whose Needs are you Meeting?

That's the BIG QUESTION parents need to ask themselves -

As a parent, WHOSE NEEDS ARE YOU REALLY MEETING, your child's or your own??

I was NOT a successful parent!


Because I had unmet childhood needs for affection & acceptance that had not been met..........& I DID NOT KNOW IT!!

So I still subconsciously WANTED those needs to BE met - BUT - I was an adult by then - in years, but unfortunately not emotionally. I couldn't go back and if I had been able to, who would have met those needs anyhow?

So what did I do - WITHOUT REALISING IT?

I EXPECTED MY HUSBAND TO MEET THOSE NEEDS! But he was my husband, not my parent, so that didn't happen & I became more & more frustrated & angry.

Then I began to expect it from my CHILDREN! I was living vicariously through my CHILDREN, expecting THEM to succeed for ME!


But still I was unaware of what I was doing. All I knew was that I was becoming more & more frustrated. You see, I'd buried my needs & pretended I was OK for so long, I'd even fooled myself.

Perhaps YOU can relate to what I've been saying - are YOU an angry person & you don't know why?

Think back to your childhood - was it happy, fulfilled? Or was there something missing & subconsciously you're still longing for that "something", desperately wanting someone to fill that need, & becoming more & more frustrated because it isn't happening? And are you taking it out on those you love?

It took me a divorce & 6 years of therapy to uncover & come to terms with MY unmet childhood needs. I trust that by reading this, YOU might become aware far more quickly - hopefully before too much damage occurs - saving you time, effort & a great deal of hurt.

However, you WILL still need assistance as you work through your issues, so DON'T DELAY, don't sweep them under the carpet - I CAME OUT THE OTHER SIDE A MUCH STRONGER, EMOTIONALLY HEALTHIER PERSON & SO CAN YOU!