Sunday, 28 October 2007

What a difference a sad event in someone's life can make

This was sent to me today & if you haven't already seen it, just take a few moments to ponder what it has to say -

GEORGE CARLIN (His wife recently died...)

Isn't it amazing that George Carlin - comedian of the 70's and 80's - could write something so very eloquent...and so very appropriate.

A Message by George Carlin:

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways , but narrower viewpoints.
We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less.
We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time
We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.
We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.
We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values.
We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
We've learned how to make a living, but not a life.
We've added years to life not life to years.
We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor.
We conquered outer space but not inner space.
We've done larger things, but not better things.
We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul.
We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice.
We write more, but learn less.
We plan more, but accomplish less.
We've learned to rush, but not to wait.
We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.
These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships.
These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes.
These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill.
It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom.
A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete...
Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.
Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.
Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.
Remember, to say, "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.
Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.
Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
George Carlin

Saturday, 27 October 2007

"Have you hugged your child today?"

That was a bumper sticker in Australia in the 1970's, when my children were growing up, & on occasion my son would come to me, as I was making an after-school snack, saying just that - " Have you hugged your child today?" Of course he would always get exactly what he was asking for. But it's true, sometimes I did forget in the flurry of meals, piano lessons, soccer & netball practice etc etc .............. & it was great that he was able to remind me in that way. However, maybe YOU have a child or children who find it difficult to actually ASK for affection.

So, "HAVE YOU HUGGED YOUR CHILD TODAY?" OR your husband/wife or anyone else whom you love? Because it means so much more if one doesn't have to ASK for it, if it's given SPONTANEOUSLY. And if a child CAN'T ask, as I never could, & they're NOT told or shown, that child may be desperate to know, which in turn could be affecting his behaviour, his self- esteem, his achievements.

I'm sure there are parents out there (like MY parents), who simply EXPECT their children to KNOW they are loved, even though they DON'T tell them or give them lots of hugs, kisses & cuddles. And Dads, don't think YOU'RE exempt - most children are just as desperate for their father's approval as their mother's.

Perhaps it may seem strange to you at first, because that's not how it was for YOU as a child, but believe me it'll be worth stepping a little outside your comfort zone - your bond with your children will become so much closer.

So, "Have you hugged your child today?" If not, DO IT, DO IT NOW!!

Monday, 22 October 2007

Unwanted Pregnancy?? (cont.)

I spent my entire childhood trying to be "good enough" to be accepted & loved.

Of course, if my parents had realised this, they could have made a concerted effort to show me, by word & deed, that they did in fact love me, for even though my mother had not wanted to be pregnant with me so soon, somewhere along the line the anger became meaningless. In other words, there WAS a way to set things right.

HOWEVER, neither of my parents were liberal with hugs & kisses & I don't EVER remember being TOLD I was loved. They just EXPECTED me to KNOW!! When I finally plucked up enough courage (in my mid-forties!) to ask them, my mother, absolutely amazed, immediately threw her arms around me & said:" Why on earth would you think that we didn't LOVE you?" My response was, " Because you've never told me!"

That was an enormous step in my journey to freedom!

But what about the 2nd scenario? On the one hand, we have a child desperately trying to be "good enough" to be wanted & loved, on the other hand, the child who can see that that isn't working, may get sick & tired of trying & yet still crave attention & recognition. And so he rebels & does everything he can to ANNOY his parents, because negative attention is better than none at all. If they don't realise what is happening & why, & work to remedy the situation, it will only escalate as the child gets older & learns more sophisticated methods. This path could even lead to a life of crime .....................

Aren't we complex beings? And what a tremendous responsibility parenting entails!!

The answer is to thoroughly work through your own emotional issues as early as possible, so that the next generation will not be burdened by them.

Saturday, 20 October 2007

Unwanted Pregnancy??

Unexpectedly pregnant, but the time's not right?

Maybe you wanted to wait til you were married, maybe you feel you have enough children already, maybe you didn't want to have children at all, maybe you just wanted some time for you & your new husband with no further intrusions. The reason doesn't really matter - you just know that you are angry, disappointed, frustrated, confused, perhaps even guilty & you have a right to be - they are all relevant emotions under the circumstances, because you DON'T
feel OK about having an abortion.

So what DO you do?

1. First of all, it's important to allow yourself to actually FEEL those emotions. If you pretend they're not there & you submerge them, they WILL resurface at an inopportune time & someone will be hurt.

2. Next, find someone not involved, whom you trust, to talk over what you're feeling - preferably a professional therapist or counsellor, & include your partner at some point. It's important to get everything out in the open where it can be explored thoroughly. If you don't, the baby will suffer.

* * I realise it may be difficult for you to consider the matter from the baby's perspective right now, but if you decide to actually KEEP this baby, then that is what is most relevant & that is, in fact, where I am coming from.

I believe (because there now seems to be evidence to corroborate it), that a baby senses its mother's state of mind, even before it's born. So, if he (using the masculine for ease of expression) comes into the world, knowing already that he's not really wanted, what effect will this have on his development? Probably one of two things, the first of which is my personal experience & so it deeply concerns me. In either case, the child will feel he is inferior in some way or otherwise his mother WOULD want him.

In the first case scenario, he'll be as good a child as he can possibly be, hoping that eventually he'll be good enough to be wanted & loved. Of course, it never happens, because the child's behaviour has nothing to do with the mother's initial feelings. He'll grow up trying to please EVERYONE but himself & he'll be terrified to put a foot wrong. He'll have no confidence in himself & be timid & shy, or else he'll adopt a front that he's coping & all is well, when he's really quite anxious below the surface. Either way, he won't have a healthy emotional development, he won't reach his unique potential & probably at mid-life (if not before) he'll experience a psychological break-down of some kind. If he's married by now, he may have married for unsustainable reasons, so his partner will suffer, as will any children, who may be emotionally traumatised & need counselling themselves.

All this could eventuate because the parents have not come to terms with their OWN feelings about an unwanted pregnancy and/or have not considered how that could affect the child.

I'll discuss the second scenario at a later date.

Wednesday, 17 October 2007

Well, here I am!

This is a first for me.

I decided recently that one of my goals is to record in some way lessons I've learnt throughout my life. If I don't do this, very few people will be able to benefit & the knowledge I've gained from the lessons I've struggled to learn will essentially die with me. I want this to be part of the legacy I leave behind for those who follow.

However, I am not a writer. In fact this will be my first public attempt, so please bear with me. I don't know the ins & outs of being a Blogger, so maybe some of you can help me with that along the way.

I have a passion for "hurting people" & if I can do anything to ease someone's pain, I will consider my life has been worthwhile. My hope is that this site may be a place where you feel comfortable to come, where you feel empathy, where you gain some knowledge, support & encouragement to move on.

"The best teacher is experience; other
people’s if you’re smart".