New Year

Well, it's New Year's Eve, the last day of 2007 - when many of us think about making New Year's Resolutions. But is it just a bit of fun or are we serious - have we REALLY thought through how we want our lives to develop during 2008?

If we don't set goals for ourselves, we 'll simply drift along, being at the mercy of every whim & fancy, & before we know it, 2008 will have come & gone & we'll be no further ahead than we were 12 months ago.

Maybe that's OK for you - maybe that's as much as you want out of life, but life really IS short ( I've become more & more aware of that fact the older I've become!) & if there ARE goals you wish to achieve, then you'd better set about making a plan & setting it in motion. Time's awastin'!!

Don't know where to start? Haven't a clue what you want for yourself? Want some guidance? Last August I joined an organisation called Goal University - no, there are no entrance requirements & no there are no exams! But, yes, there ARE exercises we work on to define our passions & dreams & we all support one another. It's great & it's the reason I began this Blog.

If you think it could be useful for YOU, go to http://goalguru.com where you'll find Jill Koenig, who brought Goal University into existence - it had been one of HER goals! She is nothing short of AMAZING - coming from an underprivileged background, she has risen to become one of America's leading goals experts - a real goal guru!

Yes, I AM still here!

What have I been up to?

Well, for one thing, I've been endeavouring to start monetising this Blog (you've probably noticed the ads!), because, with only ONE pension now coming into our house, I really need to supplement my income - not only for MY sake, but also in order to provide better facilities for my husband, as well as being able to donate more to worthwhile organisations. At the moment, however, it's ALL about paying money OUT, so I'm definitely going backwards, which is a bit of a worry. I hope in the future I'll be able to look back & see that it was worth it!

So there - I HAVEN"T been sitting around on my butt doing nothing, in fact, I've been quite busy .........................

2 weeks ago my husband was sitting on the side of his bed when he slipped off & fell on the floor - 2 days in a row, would you believe!! He crushed a disc & has been in severe pain ever since, demanding my attention on a constant basis, so actually I'm feeling pretty stressed & weary right now.

Will get back to more self-exploration ASAP.

May you all enjoy your Christmas / New Year break & may your goals for 2008 be realistic, achievable ones!!

Our condition IS terminal ...........

The wonderful celebration of Thanksgiving has recently been observed in the US. We would be well-advised to take time out to recognise all our blessings here in Australia also!

Every day people are told that their condition is terminal. When they hear this, a lot of them say, " Things I've taken for granted, like my health, my family and my friends, have suddenly become all-important to me. Trivialities no longer matter."

If you've been grouchy lately, maybe this will help you to SEE THINGS in PERSPECTIVE:

• If you woke up this morning, you're ahead of the 1,000,000 people who didn't survive the week.

• If you can sit down, read the paper & drink a cup of coffee, you're better off than the 500,000,000 men, women & children around the world who are presently experiencing the horrors of war, the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture & the pangs of starvation.

• If you can attend church without threat, you've a freedom envied by 2 billion others who've never been inside one.

• If you have food, clothes and a roof over your head, you're richer than 75% of the earth's inhabitants. (Actually a garbage disposal eats better than they do!)

• If you've money in the bank, you're among the world's top 8%.

• If you've got a Bible, you're better off than the 1.5 billion people who've never even seen one.

• If you can read this, you're ahead of one-third of the people on the planet who are illiterate.

If you've fallen into the trap of expecting much but appreciating little, it's time you remembered, repented & gained a little perspective!

Note: I keep this on my refrigerator to remind me!!

How confident are you, REALLY?

It seems to ME that a great many problems we confront in adult life originate in a POOR sense of SELF-WORTH.
Parents simply have not recognised until now ( & many not even NOW!) the amazing difference building up a child's self-esteem can make to the entire course of his life. If a child is NOT encouraged to believe in himself, if he is not told/shown that he is a unique & worthwhile individual, then why on earth would he suddenly begin to behave like one ?

Rather, he will become insecure & will most likely conduct himself in one of the following ways -

1. He may be shy, withdrawn, afraid to take risks, display social anxiety & never reach his full potential, because he feels inferior & undeserving of success.

OR

2. He may become a loud-mouthed, (apparently) over-confident braggart, who behaves as if he knows everything & can be told nothing - which is really only a COVER for his insecurity.

OR

3. He may fit somewhere in-between, externally appearing confident, but internally feeling extremely unsure of himself.

All these people are as insecure as one another emotionally - they have simply chosen different survival techniques in order to be able to navigate their way through life.

Of course, it need not be so - each one is a valuable human being, with his own set of skills - he just doesn't know it - he was never told. And if he were told now, he wouldn't believe it!

Does any of this RING A BELL? Do you know someone like this? Can you yourself identify with one of these types of people? THE BIG QUESTION IS -

Is it the way you want to stay for the rest of your life?

If NOT, what can you do?

1. Spend as much time as possible with people who DO believe in you, who give off POSITIVE vibes, whose company you enjoy.

2. Learn from those who are already GENUINELY confident - find a POSITIVE ROLE- MODEL

3. Avoid people who put you down - they are probably insecure themselves. It might mean changing your group of friends or not seeing some of your family members as often, but REMEMBER - "YOU'RE WORTH IT!"

4. Seek the help of a professional if you feel "stuck" - they'll understand where you're coming from, will allow you to be yourself & will be able to assist you on your journey to a MORE SECURE & CONFIDENT FUTURE!

"The secret of life isn't what happens to you,
but what you do with what happens to you".
- Norman Vincent Peale

This may well SAVE A LIFE!

Sometimes the symptoms of a STROKE are difficult to identify. Unfortunately, the lack of awareness spells disaster. The stroke victim may suffer brain damage when people nearby fail to recognise the symptoms of a stroke.

HOW TO RECOGNISE A STROKE -

Ask the victim to do 3 things:

1. SMILE.

2. RAISE BOTH ARMS.

3. REPEAT A SIMPLE SENTENCE (coherently). eg It's very hot today.

If the victim has trouble with ANY of these tasks, call an ambulance immediately & describe the symptoms to the dispatcher.

Widespread use of this test could result in a prompt diagnosis & treatment of the stroke & prevent brain damage.. TIME IS OF THE ESSENCE!

BE A FRIEND & SHARE THIS ARTICLE WITH AS MANY FRIENDS AS POSSIBLE - you could save their lives!

Whose Needs are you Meeting?

That's the BIG QUESTION parents need to ask themselves -

As a parent, WHOSE NEEDS ARE YOU REALLY MEETING, your child's or your own??

I was NOT a successful parent!

Why?

Because I had unmet childhood needs for affection & acceptance that had not been met..........& I DID NOT KNOW IT!!

So I still subconsciously WANTED those needs to BE met - BUT - I was an adult by then - in years, but unfortunately not emotionally. I couldn't go back and if I had been able to, who would have met those needs anyhow?

So what did I do - WITHOUT REALISING IT?

I EXPECTED MY HUSBAND TO MEET THOSE NEEDS! But he was my husband, not my parent, so that didn't happen & I became more & more frustrated & angry.

Then I began to expect it from my CHILDREN! I was living vicariously through my CHILDREN, expecting THEM to succeed for ME!

HOW UNFAIR TO MY CHILDREN!!

But still I was unaware of what I was doing. All I knew was that I was becoming more & more frustrated. You see, I'd buried my needs & pretended I was OK for so long, I'd even fooled myself.

Perhaps YOU can relate to what I've been saying - are YOU an angry person & you don't know why?

Think back to your childhood - was it happy, fulfilled? Or was there something missing & subconsciously you're still longing for that "something", desperately wanting someone to fill that need, & becoming more & more frustrated because it isn't happening? And are you taking it out on those you love?

It took me a divorce & 6 years of therapy to uncover & come to terms with MY unmet childhood needs. I trust that by reading this, YOU might become aware far more quickly - hopefully before too much damage occurs - saving you time, effort & a great deal of hurt.

However, you WILL still need assistance as you work through your issues, so DON'T DELAY, don't sweep them under the carpet - I CAME OUT THE OTHER SIDE A MUCH STRONGER, EMOTIONALLY HEALTHIER PERSON & SO CAN YOU!

What kind of Parent are you?

I believe most parents do the best they can with the understanding they have at any given time.

I certainly did & no doubt my mother did also, but that was not enough to ensure that we had good parenting skills.

All we virtually knew was how OUR parents had treated US when WE were children.

The problem is immediately obvious - a variation of the same type of parenting being used generation after generation.


UNLESS


somewhere along the line someone makes a CHOICE to change something.

However, that doesn't occur until there is an AWARENESS that there ARE OTHER PARENTING METHODS which would be preferable.

Until the 1980s there were few resources to tap into, so we just acted by instinct, according to the programming we'd received from our own parents.

Now that was ok IF our own parenting had been loving, healthy & functional, but if not, another dysfunctional family was created, by no fault of our own.


Today we have so many opportunities to access knowledge & support -


Parenting programs

Psychologists

Psychotherapists

Counsellors

Family services

Relationship classes

Parenting books

Online websites

Are you, as a parent, taking advantage of these resources, or are you still reacting according to your instincts, as your parents did before you? It concerns me that many parents are doing just that - they are NOT MAKING EDUCATED CHOICES about how they will raise their children - when so many resources are today available.

Probably nothing in this world is more satisfying than seeing one's child growing & developing into his/her full potential, but with that opportunity comes the enormous responsibility of deciding upon & implementing the best parenting methods.

To be a "good" parent requires SACRIFICE. If that is something you are NOT prepared to do, for your sake, as well as the child's, think again about having children in the first place!

"Blog Profits Blueprint" - of great assistance

Well I'm sure on a steep learning curve setting up this blog. I thought it'd be quite straightforward & I guess the basics are, but the detail that follows, such as advertising to make money & marketing a blog, are a little more complicated for a novice computer user.

And so I was delighted to become aware of YARO STARAK'S 54 page "BLOG PROFITS BLUEPRINT" (see http://www.entrepreneurs-journey.com/), which he distributes FREE-OF-CHARGE. It's well-written & a credit to Yaro, who has only been blogging for two-and-a-half years, making great strides in such a short time.

Yaro ( who's an Aussie like me) also runs a Blog Mentoring Program ( see http://www.blogmastermind.com/ ), which I'm sure would also be invaluable.

Thank-you, Yaro, for saving me time & total confusion - I appreciate the knowledge you've gained which you're prepared to share with those less technologically able.

"Do all the good you can, by all the means you can ...
to all the people you can as long as you ever can." John Wesley

Val.

What a difference a sad event in someone's life can make

This was sent to me today & if you haven't already seen it, just take a few moments to ponder what it has to say -

GEORGE CARLIN (His wife recently died...)

Isn't it amazing that George Carlin - comedian of the 70's and 80's - could write something so very eloquent...and so very appropriate.

A Message by George Carlin:

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways , but narrower viewpoints.

We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less.

We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time

We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values.

We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life.

We've added years to life not life to years.

We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor.

We conquered outer space but not inner space.

We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul.

We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice.

We write more, but learn less.

We plan more, but accomplish less.

We've learned to rush, but not to wait.

We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships.

These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes.

These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill.

It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom.

A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete...

Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.

Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember, to say, "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

George Carlin

"Have you hugged your child today?"

That was a bumper sticker in Australia in the 1970's, when my children were growing up, & on occasion my son would come to me, as I was making an after-school snack, saying just that - " Have you hugged your child today?" Of course he would always get exactly what he was asking for. But it's true, sometimes I did forget in the flurry of meals, piano lessons, soccer & netball practice etc etc .............. & it was great that he was able to remind me in that way. However, maybe YOU have a child or children who find it difficult to actually ASK for affection.



So, "HAVE YOU HUGGED YOUR CHILD TODAY?" OR your husband/wife or anyone else whom you love? Because it means so much more if one doesn't have to ASK for it, if it's given SPONTANEOUSLY. And if a child CAN'T ask, as I never could, & they're NOT told or shown, that child may be desperate to know, which in turn could be affecting his behaviour, his self- esteem, his achievements.



I'm sure there are parents out there (like MY parents), who simply EXPECT their children to KNOW they are loved, even though they DON'T tell them or give them lots of hugs, kisses & cuddles. And Dads, don't think YOU'RE exempt - most children are just as desperate for their father's approval as their mother's.



Perhaps it may seem strange to you at first, because that's not how it was for YOU as a child, but believe me it'll be worth stepping a little outside your comfort zone - your bond with your children will become so much closer.



So, "Have you hugged your child today?" If not, DO IT, DO IT NOW!!

Unwanted Pregnancy?? (cont.)

I spent my entire childhood trying to be "good enough" to be accepted & loved.

Of course, if my parents had realised this, they could have made a concerted effort to show me, by word & deed, that they did in fact love me, for even though my mother had not wanted to be pregnant with me so soon, somewhere along the line the anger became meaningless. In other words, there WAS a way to set things right.

HOWEVER, neither of my parents were liberal with hugs & kisses & I don't EVER remember being TOLD I was loved. They just EXPECTED me to KNOW!! When I finally plucked up enough courage (in my mid-forties!) to ask them, my mother, absolutely amazed, immediately threw her arms around me & said:" Why on earth would you think that we didn't LOVE you?" My response was, " Because you've never told me!"

That was an enormous step in my journey to freedom!

But what about the 2nd scenario? On the one hand, we have a child desperately trying to be "good enough" to be wanted & loved, on the other hand, the child who can see that that isn't working, may get sick & tired of trying & yet still crave attention & recognition. And so he rebels & does everything he can to ANNOY his parents, because negative attention is better than none at all. If they don't realise what is happening & why, & work to remedy the situation, it will only escalate as the child gets older & learns more sophisticated methods. This path could even lead to a life of crime .....................

Aren't we complex beings? And what a tremendous responsibility parenting entails!!

The answer is to thoroughly work through your own emotional issues as early as possible, so that the next generation will not be burdened by them.

Unwanted Pregnancy??

Unexpectedly pregnant, but the time's not right?


Maybe you wanted to wait til you were married, maybe you feel you have enough children already, maybe you didn't want to have children at all, maybe you just wanted some time for you & your new husband with no further intrusions. The reason doesn't really matter - you just know that you are angry, disappointed, frustrated, confused, perhaps even guilty & you have a right to be - they are all relevant emotions under the circumstances, because you DON'T
feel OK about having an abortion.


So what DO you do?

1. First of all, it's important to allow yourself to actually FEEL those emotions. If you pretend they're not there & you submerge them, they WILL resurface at an inopportune time & someone will be hurt.

2. Next, find someone not involved, whom you trust, to talk over what you're feeling - preferably a professional therapist or counsellor, & include your partner at some point. It's important to get everything out in the open where it can be explored thoroughly. If you don't, the baby will suffer.


* * I realise it may be difficult for you to consider the matter from the baby's perspective right now, but if you decide to actually KEEP this baby, then that is what is most relevant & that is, in fact, where I am coming from.



I believe (because there now seems to be evidence to corroborate it), that a baby senses its mother's state of mind, even before it's born. So, if he (using the masculine for ease of expression) comes into the world, knowing already that he's not really wanted, what effect will this have on his development? Probably one of two things, the first of which is my personal experience & so it deeply concerns me. In either case, the child will feel he is inferior in some way or otherwise his mother WOULD want him.



In the first case scenario, he'll be as good a child as he can possibly be, hoping that eventually he'll be good enough to be wanted & loved. Of course, it never happens, because the child's behaviour has nothing to do with the mother's initial feelings. He'll grow up trying to please EVERYONE but himself & he'll be terrified to put a foot wrong. He'll have no confidence in himself & be timid & shy, or else he'll adopt a front that he's coping & all is well, when he's really quite anxious below the surface. Either way, he won't have a healthy emotional development, he won't reach his unique potential & probably at mid-life (if not before) he'll experience a psychological break-down of some kind. If he's married by now, he may have married for unsustainable reasons, so his partner will suffer, as will any children, who may be emotionally traumatised & need counselling themselves.



All this could eventuate because the parents have not come to terms with their OWN feelings about an unwanted pregnancy and/or have not considered how that could affect the child.



I'll discuss the second scenario at a later date.

Well, here I am!

This is a first for me.

I decided recently that one of my goals is to record in some way lessons I've learnt throughout my life. If I don't do this, very few people will be able to benefit & the knowledge I've gained from the lessons I've struggled to learn will essentially die with me. I want this to be part of the legacy I leave behind for those who follow.

However, I am not a writer. In fact this will be my first public attempt, so please bear with me. I don't know the ins & outs of being a Blogger, so maybe some of you can help me with that along the way.

I have a passion for "hurting people" & if I can do anything to ease someone's pain, I will consider my life has been worthwhile. My hope is that this site may be a place where you feel comfortable to come, where you feel empathy, where you gain some knowledge, support & encouragement to move on.


"The best teacher is experience; other
people’s if you’re smart".